Burl 6-25-2018

Today was the traditional de-bunking of the President.  It was quite a show.  Here’s the actual plan as penned by Matthew Owen.

12:00 noon

An ambulance (Bruce thinks it’s a limousine) with sirens howling pulls up to Bruce Smith’s Premiere Financial office (725 6th Street – Eureka).

 

The EMTs go into the office yelling for “Bruce Smith”.

 

“We had a 9-1-1 call for Bruce Smith!”

 

They locate Bruce Smith in his office, strap him onto a gurney, place him in the ambulance and drive him out to the Elk’s Lodge with the sirens wailing.

12:15 pm

We open the de-bunking meeting with Bruce Smith being escorted to the front of the room still strapped into the gurney.

 

Past-president Dr. Kim Bauriedel comes to the front of the room with a heart in his hand.

 

“President Bruce, you started your year with a heart attack. Frankly we were all were thrilled when we heard that, as we didn’t think you had a heart.”

 

Kim will go on with more about the Rotary Club of Eureka having a heart.

 

 

12:20 pm

Past-president Matthew Owen will play a YouTube video of the highlights (blank screen) of Bruce Smith’s year in Rotary and show a photo of the inspiration of Bruce Smith as our Rotary Club President.

 

Matthew will announce that Rotary Club will be black next week for Martin Luther King Day, but will be white again the following week for Columbus Day.

 

 

12:25

Past-president Dennis Hunter will talk about the excitement from President Bruce Smith’s Rotary project of the year, “Empowering the Next Generation”.

 

“It’s been a year now, so the Rotary Club Board of Directors and the entire club membership would like to know what “Empowering the Next Generation” project really is.”

 

“Will everyone who has had or will have a birthday in 2018, please stand up to be recognized. For every birthday in the room, we are going recognize Bruce Smith for $10, as our Rotary bank account needs to be replenished after a year of Bruce Smith.”

 

 

12:30

Past-president Lane Strope will present President Bruce Smith an envelope from Rotary District Governor Bob Rogers with all of the awards the Rotary Club of Eureka won this past year. The envelope will be blank.

 

Lane will then talk about his thoughts of a year with President Bruce Smith.

 

 

12:35

Past-president Hank Ingham will share his words of wisdom of a year with President Bruce Smith.

 

“President Bruce Smith always shared his words of wisdom with us. Here’s some back to you Bruce.  Here are some pearls of wisdom that didn’t quite make it to the meetings

 

“A fool and his money-Hey, that’s our ideal client”

 

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is to understand our fee structure”

 

A penny saved is 8 tenths of  a penny earned: results are not guaranteed and subject to market fluctuations.

 

Bruce occasionally used parables .   this is the parable of the financial adviser the client and the bag chickens.  The advisor met with the client and noticed client had a bag.  “what’s in the bag ? he asked.  “Chickens!” said the client.  I like chickens said the advisor, I could grow them for you.”  OK said the client “If you can guess how many chickens are in this bag I’ll give you both of them!”

The counselor pondered a moment and said “Three?”

The moral don’t let your financial advisor count your chickens .

 

Another chicken story.

 A client brought a hen into his financial advisor.  “I’d like you to take care of this hen for me and give me the eggs to me  to eat when I retire” No problem said the investment counselor.  He took the hen, pulled out a hatchet from his desk desk drawer and cut its head off.  What did you do that for?” said the client.  “Oh, that’s my fee the fund is front loaded”  

The moral: quit while you ‘re  a head

 

I’m not saying Bruce is bad at his job…
…but when I went into his office and asked him to check my balance, he tried to push me over

 

Bruce saw a bank that said if offered 24 Hour Banking.” But he didn’t go in He didn’t have that much time.

 

.

Bruce’s wife had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to Bruce , Just think, we are ten dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand. Good, Bruce quickly replied. Wash it again

 

 

I asked Bruce to buy IBM stock and he asks me for the ticker symbol.

 

Just got some good news from Bruce
…he told me I can retire at 62 and live comfortably  for 11 minutes.

 

Speaking of money…

 

 Jay Reed, Rotary Club Treasurer will talk about how the year started off in the black with plenty of funds… and now we’re in the red.

 

This may have something to do with President Bruce Smith taking a few months off in the middle of his Presidency to go to Uzi-back-istan to marry off his daughter. Rumors started circulating that hundreds of thousands of dollars went missing from the Rotary account about this same time.

 

12:45

EPD Captain Stephens comes into the room and announces he has a warrant for the arrest of Bruce Smith for embezzlement and financial impropriety.

 

Captain Stephens handcuffs Bruce Smith and takes him out to the EPD cruiser for processing at EPD headquarters.

 

After fingerprints and mug shots, Bruce Smith is driven back to Premiere Financial